FALTERING MIDWEEK BUT NOT FALLING

Well Monday was just as I expected with a Whopping 5lb gain!!!! I don't know what is worse the fact that now I giggle when I gain or when I used to beat myself up about a gain. I suppose giggling but this time I thought I wasn't taking things serious enough when I saw the gain. I said I would work to get rid of it but I'm not sure if I meant it. I stayed to plan all day Monday, Tuesday was ok until late that evening when something made me so angry and upset that I ate a bar of chocolate without even realising I had done it. It wasn't too bad I suppose but having had my syns for that day I could have done with out the extra 15 syns. 

Wednesday was a great day because it was our Anniversary. When I went to bed the night before my hubby had left a card and present on my bedside locker. It was a beautiful gift set of Burberry Brit Sheer, with the perfume. lotion and shower gel. The card was lovely too I was just chuffed and I woke up in the best mood. When the kids went to school I went up for a shower and pampered myself. We went to see my sister at mums house and then went home for dinner. The original plan was a Slimming World meal cooked by hubby's fair hands but I think he had bitten off more than he could chew so he went out for a takeout. The kids had set the table and we were all set for dinner I was having rice and a low syn dish BUT I just couldn't resist the extras that came with the meal. I ended up having a spring roll, some sweet and sour chicken, prawn crackers, chicken wings in satay sauce. To say it was delicious is an understatement it was absolutely fabulous. I had a lovely evening, me, Bruno and our 3 boys. How lucky I am with all these wonderful people in my life. 

Today started off looking like it was going to be a tester day. My mood was low and when the kids went to school I sat with a cup of coffee thinking I was fat and I cant even lose weight. I was starting to punish myself  because I put on 5lb and then stuffed my face last night again. I sat analysing why I was doing this to myself why couldn't I just control my eating habits. I came to the conclusion that the reason I was finding this hard was because I didn't want to lose weight I was happy with my body and so what if it didn't conform to peoples idea of what was the right size and weight. I went into the kitchen and got 2 wagon wheels out of the kids lunch supplies and ate them. Yes, feck it, I am fine. My husband loves me and my kids love me no mater what. 

Who was I trying to kid?? Of course I do. I was just trying to kid myself and boost myself into thinking I'm OK when in actual fact I'm just being weak and trying to find and excuse to feel better about myself. Yes, hubby and the kids love me but they will be able to love me longer when I lose enough weight to be healthy and live longer.

I decided to plan for the rest of my week. I need lunch first I couldn't do this on an empty stomach. On the SW Group page there was a photo of a meal that I could do for lunch and it was syn free too. So I got my brown bread topped it with Ham, tomato, red onion and cheese and grilled it. I made a mug of tea and started to plan. I was feeling better all ready. 

That's why I'm blogging now because I decided to have a wee break and I am so glad I did because I'm feeling even better about everything. I could have let my feelings overwhelm me today and I am so proud that I managed to fight it off and get back to my weightloss. Its a hard task but will definitely be worth it when I reach my target. 

NOTE TO SELF

You have to be honest

You have to be true

You have to motivate 

You have to keep going

Never give up becuase it will be worth it in the end